Hope no one minds but I belong to several blogs and I tend to post jokes or funny storie weeky so with the Karsher's blessing I hope I would like to post a few here for confersations and humor...Thanks

The Stella Awards
>
>It's time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards."
>The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled
>hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM). That case
>inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful
>lawsuits in the United States.
>
>
>Here are this year's winners:
>
>
>5th Place (tie): Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000
>by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler
>who
>was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were
>understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving
>little
>toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
>
>
>5th Place (tie): 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and
>medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
>Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the
>car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
>
>
>5th Place (tie):
>Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just
>finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage
>door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He
>couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and
>garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr.
>Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on
>a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the
>homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental
>anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
>
>
>4th Place:
>Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical
>expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's
>beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award
>was
>less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a
>little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence
>into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
>
>
>3rd Place:
>A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster,
>Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her
>coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had
>thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
>
>
>2nd Place:
>Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night
>club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the
>floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.Walton
>was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying
>the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
>
>
>1st Place:
>This year's run away winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City,
>Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor
>home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven
>onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the
>drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not
>surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned.
>Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual
>that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a
>new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of
>this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.

I want to suit the triplets for being so Damm Cute....he he he lol

Subject: A Living Will (we all need one)...
>
>
>
>
> I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind and
body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
>
> Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood
politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.
>
> If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for single
malt scotch, it should be presumed that I won't do so ever again. When such
determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending
physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.
>
> Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a special
law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads
mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health, education
and future of the millions of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma and who
nonetheless may be in need of nourishment.
>
> Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case. I don't care
how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge for their run for the
presidency in 2008 , 2012, 2016, or beyond, it is my wish that they play
politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die in peace.
>
> I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to
legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these people,
and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and/or crusade on my behalf.
They should mind their own damn business, too.
>
> If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political
cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his or her
existence a living hell.
>

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A RHYME WITH THE
MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:




Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss

But I only slept with you, because I was pissed



I thought that I could love no other

Until, that is, I met your brother



Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so
is your head



Of loving beauty you float with grace

If only you could hide your face



Kind, intelligent, loving and hot

This describes everything you are not



I want to feel your sweet embrace

But don't take that paper bag off your face



I love your smile, your face, and your eyes

Damn I'm good at telling lies



My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife

Marrying you screwed up my life



I see your face when I am dreaming

That's why I always wake up screaming



My love, you take my breath away

What have you stepped in to smell this way



My feelings for you no words can tell

Except for maybe "go to hell"



What inspired this amorous rhyme?

Two parts vodka, one part lime